slap me. hit me. whatever you deem fit.

i always knew what i was doing. until now. now, everything is just wrong. so wrong. havent i learnt my lesson? i should have known things dont happen for no good reason. i should have known my life was colorful to warn me of things ahead. i should have.

hear no evil. see no evil. think no evil. blast. its on repeat mode. 2:35 PM

squirms. 1000 free smses gone in like half a mth. wonder how i do it. every sms i send breaks my heart. *ouch. haha. im so dead. gonna hear loads of grumbling from my parents. i deserve it. bleahs. now, im only replying to smses i think is necessary. ah...

didnt go for any learning fest thingy on thurs. was having duty in the morning. tabulating of evaluation forms. gosh. i can just go blind by doing it 3h str. *blinks. haha. didnt go for math and movies. forgot why. everything happened too fast. the moment i was out of the conference rm, my mind just went blank. *poof. and my phone died. guess why.

in open house comm. the only ex-dancer. ahh... mr chua was like "so have you tot of the dance yet?" what?! NO! im not trained in that field. well, i have faith and trust in my fellow comm mates. haha. and lulu too. (: im afraid i wont do a good job in coming up with those cool impressive moves that will make everyone's jaws drop. im afraid saints and saint-wannabes will compare us with the dancers and think we aint good enough. ah... boo.

met up with sam, zhenyu and daryl. too bad zhongyi is busy. if not i can seek advice on the chorographing from him. nvm. nice chat we had. wee... so happy. haha. been long since i last chatted with them. but sigh. when we talk bout dance. its always so sad. what has nhds become?! freak. one batch is worse than the next. if dance really goes down, im so gonna be back and knock some sense into their freaking numb skulls k. grr... dont they feel proud being in nhds? the top dance in sg. wth. acting like this jus adds shame to the society. wake up!! it pains my heart to see mr low's effort going down the drain. worse, i dont have the time to go back. meetings. this that. ahh... I MUST and I WILL GO BACK REAL SOON, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK. damnit. feel like slapping them lah. grr...

hear no evil. see no evil. think no evil. blast. its on repeat mode. darn playboy. 11:39 PM

learning fest day one. went for "Let's Chat" in the morning. it was by some Youth thingy org. forgot the whole name. oops. haha. anyway, its quite crappy lah. just teaching us to be smart and not conned by online criminals. but our class guys are damn mean. keep sabo-ing bernard. LOL. oh ya, andy low was made to SING. yes. a mandarin oldie even. haha. we laughed our heads off man. i think andy lee and andy low can fight already. in some singing comp. both can sing man.

next was "Impress at First Sight" by Suzzene Zheng. hope i got her name rite. its very good. woo. it will be a pity if any saint didnt attend that. taught us loads bout carrying ourselves. cool eh? haha. shant elaborate. lazy. =x bought the book, supposedly for my bros. but then my da ge just told me he has a similar book by another author. ahh.... ok. maybe i will try to sell the bk or i'll just keep it for myself. (:

"French is Fun" is very nice. not as nice as "Impress at First Sight" though. but ah whatever. ooo... french is cool. no wonder lea took up french lessons after first 3 mths. haha. but i still cant pick up the skill of speaking fluent french. boo. nvm. haha.

did a little math tut in sch bef heading into council rm to play bridge. lyndon chua came in even. someone asked him whether he wanted to play but he rejected the offer. like duh. he's a teacher. haha. he went "eh you guys are not supposed to play this in front of me." then i was like "ok then you go out then." OOPS... LOL.

rotted inside until like ard 4+ and went to clementi to order a birthday cake for july and aug babies. the cake is sooo cool! gonna collect it on tues after sch. went to venezia for ice cream after that with them. wee... lolx. great day. 10:06 PM

bahs.. shant talk bout pang. only got pissed with him when he went to complain to jiwen that we embarrassed him in front of the whole class when things werent like that. my tone was ok. bahs. ok nvm. end of story. he's much nicer now. with a less stronger tone. and a lower expectation to start off for our class now. (:

wrote my gp essay until 1215 last nite. my gosh. so tired. was trying to keep my eyes open today. and today is a tuesday. the longest day. *screams. lectures str with just a pathetic one hour break which is occupied by counter duty. rarrh. haha. oh ya, talking bout duty. was kinda stunned when i went to 'collect' the carrom board back. was like O.O, am i at the right table? lol. ok nvm. im not dao-ing you!

tmr and thurs is learning feste. woo. im learning french. haha. wanted to attend some other courses but no more vacancies. boo. nvm. i can use my spare time to do tys or like revise my notes. i need to read up on econs now. market structure. not paying attention at all. bahs..

sleepy sleepy sleepy. shall sleep early tonite. but i must make it a point to tidy my math tut 11, which is in a big mess now with scribbles all around. and touch on tut 12! wahaha... michelle's big plans for the future. again. LOL. =x 6:43 PM

*takes in a deep breath. ahh... the sc smells great. woohoo. lol. but sadly, the orange sofa cover is infested with ants! huge ants! omg. yup. so i think we will be washing it again. bahs. i had ants crawling over me for a sec k. eww. haha.

ive decided to start mugging. picking up the pace now. shall start by completing my tut and hw. then with my tys. i must get my A or at least B for math. shant disappoint teoh. woo... haha. that's my target for the year. and ya... score well for chem too. aiming for a B. the rest... ok maybe Cs. but nth below D. if not i will just kill myself. oops. hehe.

hms... getting a clearer pic of what's happening lately. its nice being a bystander. okok... not that i dont wish to help, but not this time. i will just make things worse. shutting my mouth. laladumx...

bball is evil. it can kill a poor, innocent tiny finger. boo... (: haha. IM BORED OK. 8:52 PM

life is indeed colorful, especially with sooo many things uncovered in a short period of time. haha. one, a misunderstanding. bleahs. shall blame no one for giving me such a dao face. im no.1 fiercest rem? haha. and shant blame anyone for letting me have such slow reactions. get well soon ya? infected wounds be gone!

two, a story re-lived in someone else's life. sigh. ok maybe not exactly. but a little resemblence? hms.. trying to be neutral bout things now. but in my mind, everything you said is just crap. maybe coz, ive seen too many similar stories. so im steorotyping every case now. bahs...

three, roses. pretty roses. white and red. paper and grown. dont you just love surprises? haha. so cool to have such a nice big bro. im blessed to be his lil one. so cool to have such a thoughful buddy. sweetness fills my life. (:

shoots. supposed to be doing my gp essay which i just realised not long ago. boo... im dead meat. ah... blame me for sleeping the whole day today. too tired. all the ushering. cleaning. WARNING: whoever dirties the sc will NOT get away with it. hiaks. (: bahs.. im so slack. so many have started mugging for promos. i should start soon. real soon. 8:29 PM

yesterday was the worst day of my life. i shall re-tell the story once again. first, tuesdays have always been my longest, and i do mean longest, days. and since common test is just over, there happened to be a review lecture for gp. great. 3.5h str in LT3 and it was freezingly cold. brr... ok nvm. after that, finally my break came. woohoo. but i had COUNTER DUTY. so, i gobbled up my food, and yes i ate at lightning speed, and rushed to the sc to do duty with weiyun. after that was chem spa. i soooo screwed it up. pls dont try to console me that there might be a ray of hope of passing. i made such a huge mistake, everything was OFF. grr.

i was soooo truamatized by my performance that i didnt realise i slipped and fell on the stairs while walking down. i only realised it when i saw myself on the floor. my hand was still holding on to the stair, supporting my body. AHHH... soooo dumb rite? and yes, someone saw it. AHHH... the first time i fall in SCH, someone HAS to see it. "malu nvm lah." yea yea.. bleahs. haha ok nvm. not as if it bothers me now. but ya noe, SO EMBARRASSING. smita saw it too. she was like "you fell rite? i saw it. haha. but dont worry, it was a very graceful fall." -.-" alamak!! haha. guess what, my fall was sound-proof. shir didnt realise it when she was walking BESIDE me.

ahhh... was screaming in the cafe. haha. wilfred is sooo mean. he says its my retribution for teasing him bout the fisherman thingy. bleahs... haha.

hms... im injury-prone now. haha. first, was ironing my uni during the weekend when i accidentally hit the iron and there goes my fingers. haha. not so serious lah. just a burn. its still red now. bleahs. ytd, stupid me wore my sneakers for pe coz i tot there wont be any running since it rained. we did pacing and my foot had abrasion. darn it. it was so painful when i walked that i cant have pe today. boo... my left foot is getting abrasion too now. T.T

first welfare meeting. woohoo!! haha. im in charge of people's birthdays and council outings. hiaks hiaks hiaks. laladumx... (: 9:01 PM

wee... one-off outing. laladumx.. so happy. can see them again. met them at bugis. my gosh. bing has changed so much, with her new cool specs and eyeliner on her face. O.O haha. we 3 still remained the same. sad case. haha. seeing her just makes me feel so young and childish. oops. cant be bothered with make-up. takes up too much time. maybe i will put some light make-up on formal occasions. no others. period.

walked ard parco and bugis village. had dinner at pasta. saw this saint poser wearing the black "once a saint always a saint" shirt. isnt it contradicting? she was never a saint. lol. ok im being mean. bahss... guess what? she was screaming her head off when she saw her friend there too. some 'long lost' friend i suppose. sheesh. felt so ashamed. everyone was staring at them. bleahs.

hms... went topshop and i bought the top ive been eyeing on. laladumx... happy happy happy! its time to stock up on my clothes. oh ya, did i mention that i finally bought a pencil case? its from the wallet shop. its RED. lol. so AA rite, zhenyu? hiaks. but its soooooo dammmnnnn chiioooo... love it man. wooo. haha. gonna go for a stationery shopping spree real soon with lulu. weee... pretty pens, here i come!! (:

miss one-off so much. will treasure the neoprints we take together. hehe... so nice and pretty.

[edit]
just uploaded commendation pics. view it if ya wanna. (: http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2123685518 10:21 PM

my feet hurts like shit now. haha. oh well. put so much wax on my fringe that it looked so fake. haha. pinned my short hair at the top of my head down. ahh.. lol. coughed during commendation. ahh... lolx. sore throat. bleahs.. my singing sucks lah. im like, singing halfway and then i will stop coz im out of breath or my throat hurts. bahss.. oh well, its over. haha. so happy. we hugged each other after it ended. so touching. mommie pinned it on for me. ahhh... love him to bits. (:

the luncheon was a blast. took many photos until my batt went low. boo... gonna buy extra batt man. haha. shall upload them into the com real soon. and probably post a few on frenster. my frenster pic is a stupid smilely face. ahhhh...

its 12mn. jiam's bday. wished her. wee... 27 is staying over at her house to celebrate i guess. soooo cooollll lah. haha. laladumx...

im happy. (: 12:11 AM

not enough sleep. its getting into me. ahh... my mom fell down at work today. sprained her wrist, which was already sprained before. haix. came home and was soooo shocked to see her right wrist bandaged. breaks my heart to see that. my bro cooked dinner. i did the laundry. gosh. it can kill, since im already so tired.

got into a little quarrel with my bro over the com. bleahs. so stupid rite? grr. ok i shall wrap up soon to let him use. tot that i cant make it for one-off outing AGAIN. tot it would clash with rapture. but no!!! it didnt!! YES!! i miss ya guys. sighs.

maybe i made this wrong choice. no matter how much my friends discouraged me from making this move, (well not that bad lah. they just gave advices.) maybe i should have followed my initial decision in the first place. then some problems wont even arise at all. some selfish tots wont even arise in others' minds. its just the tots that kill, ya know? but no. i just wanted a better future. an edge over the others. a higher chance than others. ugh. makes me sick.

i duno wad happening now. i feel there's more. alot more. so much that i dont know of. well, this is not the first time. ugh. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................. 10:42 PM

bahs.. how can i be happy when my close friends are troubled with problems that i hardly know of? bleahs. i feel so selfish now. sighs. jie... so sorrie. i can only be a listening ear. im bad at consoling people. thank goodness there are others who are sooo much betta than me. if life had been bad for me then, it will be awfully worse for you now. the burden is heavier on you than it was on me. sighs. just hope problems will just *poof and be gone. sam... bahs. readin ur entries makes me sad. you sound so troubled with life now and i know nth of it. no more friday nite outings with shin. no more dinners after dance practices. no more long chats over the phone. sigh. really hope u will be fine. its high time we catch up k? i promise after commendation i will make time for u.

hms... ok now for some happy stuff. didnt mention that i got into welfare. woohoo. im so not cut out for functions. elsa and rach are in functions. me jingx and lulu are in welfare. laladumx.. and daniel, yong hwee and baldwin got some crappy gf game on. they are supposed to find themselves a fake gf from council on thurs. i think. ya. and im baldwin's fake gf. LOL. aiyar its damn stupid lah. got real crappy with baldy.

im so obedient. did chem tut 9. pretty easy. hiaks. oh ya... i lost my pencil case, so i had to resort to those weird pencils at home. bahs... so stupid rite? losing a pencil case. and its the one sam gave to me. ): well, i bet i wont be able to get it back. goodbye my pretty pens. goodbye my rulers. goodbye my pencil and pencil lead. goodbye my eraser. blah blahs.. and i haven get a new one. wonder what i will be bringing tmr. LOL. im so dead. 8:46 PM

finally a day of rest. whew. this shall be a verrryyyy long entry. laladumx...

mon
woo.... s76 won s71 in soccer. 10-2. hiaks hiaks. we rock! haha. went all the way to boon keng to support them. after that we went to doby ghaut and had lunch there. initially we wanted to catch a movie there but no more tics so we went to marina sq then. war of the worlds. it will be a great movie, if not for the abrupt ending. bahs... i made so much noise in the theatre asking that girl to stop screaming at the slightest thing. LOL. oops... went to get my court shoes after that. bahs... my feet size is like ever-changing. when i tot my feet shrunk since im wearing size5 sneakers now, my court shoes' size is 7. O.O

tues
went to sch for the first commendation rehearsal. gosh. its tiring. everyone's drenched inside out. the girls hafta wear stockings and court shoes. ouch. your feet will seriously hurt after that. haha. oh well. they are fine now. (: hms... after it ended we rushed to jp to get my sneakers. woohoo... its so hard finding a size5 shoe nowadays. haha.

wed
got back phy mcq. haha. whatever. secured 4marks for that. cant rem some of ans coz i just covered the qn paper and started coloring on my otas sheet. bleahs. had a rehearsal for college day. appointed to be stationed in the hall and lead the way for the prize winners. haha. had comm rehearsal after that too.

thurs
got back chem. sigh. a fat O. damnit. so sad lahs... when ms tan went tru all the qns, i realised that im so dumb. those concepts have always been in my head. how come i dont know?! so dumb rite. sighs... i feel so dumb now. someone, kill me. rehearsal again. so warm with the stockings on. everyone was sweating like shit. went home for a really late dinner.

fri
college day. had amazing race. didnt joined so i just rotted in sch. oh ya, came to sch real early to have comm rehearsal again. then went for chem lessons after that. my god... my class left a few of us then we jus rot loh. after sending shir off, we rotted in the sc. bernice sae can have lunch so we went to eat. yums.... didnt eat breakfast. haha. oh ya, im working with kenneth yoong and yockie. we 3 are sooo crappy. hms... at 4 we went to change and i shared dinner with kenneth. wahsss.... the food by cjs is great man. woohoo!!! yums. college day started. stood at the side of the hall like an idiot. TROY IS A PRIZE-WINNER! my god. she is so smart lah. so pretty too.

after that we went to help out at the food. took charge of the drinks. my... people there drink as though there's no tml. kept refilling non-stop. all the barriers were drained dry soon after. bleahs. we ate the leftovers. CRAYFISH = YUMS... haha. sweet dudes like mike and baldy peeled out the meat for us. wahahaha...

sat
slept like a pig. haha. 11h. gosh. ahh.... i feel like re-taking my common test. it sucks totally loh. could have done way betta. boo... so under my expectations. shrugs. oh wells... bahss... just now went to the bank to open an acc with my mom. oso duno why. bleahs... ok. im renovating my house in like a years time. i think. ard there lah. wee... i can have my own room by then. wont have to tolerate my bro's nonsense anymore. haha. 2:55 PM

how could i have forgotten bout eicr?! sighs. i miss xiao xin. i miss linhui. i miss joce. i miss xiuyi. i miss joan. i miss lea. i miss eunice. ): wonder how's everyone doing now. bahss... oh wells. we must have an eicr outing. our outings always fail. bleahs.

woohoo!!! nh and tanglin rock!! did anyone seem them perform as the opening item for nkf? yes, the wushu. damn. if only i didnt have ct. but uh... my wushu sucks to the core. oh wells, i can always help with the drums. so cool!! *screams. i saw those familiar faces again. kaiwei. zhongyi. kenrick. serene. and some unfamiliar faces too. haha. i miss DI. bleahs. im so gonna go back during dec hols. all this talking bout wushu reminded me bout ben tay. LOL. oops.

bot a cake from coffeebean for my bro ytd. he loved it. wee... aint i the sweetest sista? hiaks. went to a jap restaurant to celebrate his bdae today with my family. woohoo. chawan.mushi rocks! rach, aint ya J E A L O U S ?! hiaks. sushi rocks too! yums. my dad spent a bomb on it. the meal accumulated to nearing 200bucks. gosh.

my nose is dropping. ahhh... cant stand it. darn flu. boo... someone, pls chop my nose off. haha. gonna meet my class tmr to support them in a soccer match vs 71. 71, you're going down!!! 76 will kick ya ass real hard. wahahaha. oops. hehe. 10:00 PM

okok. rufus is not a who. but a what. its a naked mole rat! from the cartoon kim possible! lolx. i think it was the iced mocha at starbucks last nite. haha. oh ya, talking bout that. some auntie approached me there and asked : xiao jie, ke yi qing auntie yi bei ka fei ma? (miss, may ya treat auntie a cup of coffee?) i was like WTH. oops. just said sorry and looked away. well, she went off pestering other customers and i guess some starbucks person chased her out after that.

was thinking bout how beautiful life is now. so much better than before. things are getting better now. and i really mean better. i have sistas, who are like totally bimbotic and cracks stupid bimbotic jokes to brighten up my day. i have weijie and xin, my two besties who i can chat bout anything under the sun. btw, i miss shih ying. ): wonder how's she doing. hms... i have sam and gang who are my counsellors in life. well, i wont be able to pick myself up so easily without you guys. i have pat too... who always joke and crap and also help me out in things. i have dL who never fails to put a smile on my face. i have one-off, best dancing buds playing ard in PA and nh. laladumx... and many many more!! too many to list. gosh... haha. aint my life wonderful now? oh ya, with rufus too. (: LOL.

i miss nhds. i miss dance inspiration. bahs.. heard nh is performing at sentosa and dance inspiration is performing in nkf. both on sun! ahhh!!! dont know if i can go. celebrating my bro's bday tmr. bleahs.

going out later in the afternoon with weijie and xin. wee!!! its been quite some time since i last seen them, esp xin. woohoo!!! we're gonna have dinner together. (: should i get my brown sneakers which i had my eyes on ytd? or should i get them on mon? bahs... jie n me still haven get our very own S T U F F too. aww... hiak hiak hiak. 1:30 PM

wooo... ct is O V E R !! lols. well, im gonna flunk all my sub. gp, haha. crapped tru. my egs seriously suck big time. compre was alrite, i suppose. at least i know where to get the ans. chem, screwed up. damn chim lah. and i actually mugged real hard for that. boo. math, haha. ard 15marks flew away happily. what else can i say? im teoh's big disappointment. econs, haha. should be able to pass. had too many things to write. not enough time. wells... bahs. expected rite? phy. woohoo. happily fail that man. sooo many blanks here and there. well, expected lah. i suck in phy all along ya know?

getting high now. laladumx... rufus is officially my bf now. (: im attached! haha. 12:47 AM