back from studying. hms apparently theres a printing error in my chem tys. the formula part. big boo boo. bahs... hms. gonna continue on my tys and probably finish up on my integration tut later. bahss...

hms. smth scares me. i feel the fear inside me. growing. boo... i think some things dont really matter whether they happen now or later. or even whether they will happen or not. ok maybe they do. to a certain extent. but. i duno. i dun see any effort paid off. its not really the matter of the effort paying off not, its just.

that song again. guilt. confusion. frozen. the untouchable. sigh.

it freaks me out to know how things really can get out of hand, and how much it pushes me to do smth that i dont wish to do. hms wait, will it even help?

i hear things i shouldnt hear. i know things i wouldnt want to know. but. i heard. i knew. rarrhh. evolution. why does it happen? i duno. dun wish to noe. just want things to be back the way they should be.

suddenly, i feel tired. 8:44 PM

bahs... bloggie was down for maintenance and the tool alignments are still off. ok nvm. hms... heard interesting news ytd. it is rumoured that jc1s who wrote for same-sex marriage in their gp aq papers will be rounded up and sent for counselling by mrs lim. O.O gosh. i cant imagine if its true. i wrote for same-sex marriage! eeks! its just an aq lah. that is the easier side to write. at least for me. haha. bahs... imagine me going for counselling. IM STR FOR GOODNESS SAKE! rarrhh...

boo. i aint clear bout the various reactions for org chem. only rem free radical sub is for alkanes in the presence of uv light and nucleophilic sub is the backside attack of amine, hydroxide and nitrile. did i leave anything out? ahh... wads electrophilic add and sub? its the carbocation thing isit? ): I NEED TO DO UP A MINDMAP FOR ALL THE REACTIONS!

oo... i realise sleeping at 3 and waking up at 10 is good. coz im wide awake now. hungry too. haha. hopefully rach can go out to study with me later. somehow im super productive when im studying with her. guess all the short ramblings bout PDA and gossips kept me going. haha. btw rach, try freecell instead. i get addicted to those games too. LOL.

oo... planned up my schedule. gonna complete org chem by today. sat is reserved for math. sunday is for topics bef org chem. and prob half of mon or on sat nite if im done with math? mon and tues is STRICTLY FOR ECONS. bahs. reading the econs forum frightened me. i really dont know current affairs well at all. T.T 11:37 AM

bahs. smth's wrong with bloggie. all the alignments of the tools are all wrong! bahhss... ok nvms. at least i still can update. i hope.

hms... been mugging like mad these few days. cant rest. shant rest. its promos for goodness sake! fail = SP business. NO WAY!! im so gonna squeeze my way up to j2 and remain in 05S76. rarrhh.

now i have a new nickname :professor michtan. -.-" haha. coz i asked loads of weird qns that even ms tan cant ans. bleahs... im some freaking mugger now lah. doing TYS u noe?! sec 4 i didnt even USE MY CHEM TYS! rarhh. ok thats a good sign. elsa, dont freak out. u can do it too! (:

bahs... someone msged me in frenster. guess what name the person has? freaked me out lah!!! eeks! ok bahss... shall go back to doing my tys. MUST COMPLETE HALF OF HALOGEN DERIVATIVES TONITE! rarrhhh.... 10:16 PM

its gp today. ok. im blessed. blessed by whoever's up there watching over me. (: did research on same-sex marriage. read tru the latest gp notes and some online guidelines to writing arguementative essays. read tru my compo on prejudice and discrimination after i got my gp file from rach. WOOHOO~!! same-sex marriage came out for compre and prejudice and discrimination came out for compo. the compo title wasnt very direct, but sorta got the idea. i chose qn 3. "not all boundaries which divided people are drawn on maps." brought in my sec sch history knowledge. woohoo! aint i glad i chose hist over geog then. big muacks to myself. hiakx.

though so, im not very confident of myself. just hope to get a b4. *fingers crossed. laladumx... ok. shall pia my org chem tuts tonite. bef i hand on to past year papers. i will do it! chem!! rarrhh!!!

some quick replies bef i left...
haos: rarhh.. u big BOO BOO! snatch her away from me. *bite. wahahaha.

shir: ok i cant tag in ur blog again. bahs... of coz im rite. im always rite. hiak hiaks. ignore teng. he's too dumb to understand my profound language. *grins.

rach: hey nice thumb you got there eh? LOL. 7:34 PM

hms. went to visit my uncle today. its great to know that he's having a speedy recovery. now, he can smile, talk and even joke with us. the rite side of his body is functioning well. his left side is recovering. but, his left toe is swollen due to gult. i think thats how they spell it. smth to do with too much amino acid. sighs. hope he'll be fine.

the atmosphere was quite ok. met my auntie. my cousin. all the smiles and laughter. but somehow, tears started to well up when i thought of putting myself in my uncle's shoes. or even other patients. its so. so. saddening to see them suffer. there's this malay man who i suppose fractured or broke his ankle. what if i were him? then i cant walk. cant dance. that is hell. there's this elderly man sitting in a wheel chair too. what if im like him? always hafta depend on others. bahhss..

then i thought, my cousins, my aunties. they are all so strong. sigh. if i were them, i would probably cry whenever i go visiting. life is just so unpredictable. you'll never know what will happen the next sec. ): hms, that sounds rather cliched. but... i think anyone will fully understand that when you experience it on your own.

pray for speedy recovery for all the patients.

on a lighter note, we went for dinner at joo chiat. when my dad went to drive his car to pick us up after our dinner, i realised there's this guy who took out his hp and aimed his cam at my mom and my direction. duno why but i just got rather agitated by it and moved away. his cam just followed. rarrhh... freaky. luckily i aint alone. nutcase.

home now. vamp show later. yippy. i will NOT miss any episode. shall study after that. its so nice to study late at nite. no noise. just you. and your wonderful notes. LOL. okok. that wasnt meant to be sarcastic. (: 9:13 PM

this week is so unproductive. not much progress in my revision. eeks! cant stand it. must mug! but im always feeling tired. boo... often out of breath these few days. thats bad. very bad. bahs...

one stupid thing happened thou. was playing ultimate frisbee during pe and while playing, i didnt notice the frisbee flying my direction and it whacked rite on my upper lip. my gum bled like mad. lip bled. got alittle swollen. but its alrite now. bahhss... frisbee lahs!

council jersey is here. very much similar to 27th's. hms... quite ok with it. just that im drowning in it. and its size S lahs! the smallest size. i think smitz will just disappear or smth when she wears hers. =x when is s76 making our own one?! cant wait. but im broke!

ooo... s76 is going for some malan lamian thingy on thurs after promos. cant wait. it will be damn fun lah. will learn how to make the noodles and dumplings. woots! limited seats available. laladumx... 9:21 PM

omg... this is seriously getting out of hand. first and foremost, im single. so is he. he's my closest guy friend ive ever had in sa. so its naturally if people mistake us as an item. hms... for me, i dont really bother much bout it. since both of us know that we are just good pals. but no... im not his gf! eeks! not that he's not good enough and stuff, but we can only be friends. aiyar, its smth i think only we both understand. and hello mister who spreaded that, it was just gentlemanly of him to send me home. and he didnt. it was only until some bus stop. bahss...

hms... why am i clarifying? haha. ok nvm. guess i was just bored and that was the first thing that came to mind. somehow that seemed to become a barrier between me and bald now. i think rumours can kill. i can see it coming. bahs... 9:26 PM

just changed my tagboard to jacky's. cool rite?! i love the smileys. wahahahaha... can say im utterly bored to even think of changing it. been wanting to change my blogskin too. found one. but dont really have the time. eeks. shall do it after promos. (: 7oct! that's my day baby~!! woo...

hms.. havent done my eom yet. oops. okok. i must get it done by today and hand it in to WL tmr. this week's the deadline for the final copy of eom. must get my second draft done bef doing some last min amendments to it and handing it in.

what else more? hms... oh ya. collate all org chem qns and bombard ms tan. wahahaha. meanie me. jk lahs. not much too. shall start on writing my chem notes this week. along with those math formulae i have to memorise. and yes! econs.

ooo... love to iron my uni now. coz it gives me time to reflect on what has happened for the past week or so. haha. i realised. i dont act my age. i dont perceive myself doing things the way i should have. or rather, the way i think i should have. but im still here. here for ya, jie. (:

dont jump into conclusions my dear. my tots aint easily figured out, esp by you. 5:13 PM

"huuuuuuuuhhhhhhhHHHH? really?"

lolx. got addicted to saying these two words. dont get me started. and esp, dont join in the fun! i'll start laughing and laughing like some mad woman. cant stop. LOL.

life's so dull lately. its just eat, study, sleep. eeks! so creepy. i cant believe im working harder now than for my O's. if only i worked hard enough then. guess i wont be in sa now. LOL. jk. i'll still stay here. but hopefully be in the same class as rachie darling. *keeping fingers crossed. ahh... whatever. im contented with s76. (:

so far only revised org chem. and im not even done. eeks! what bout math and econs?! die lah die lah. gp in one week's time. haven pick what topic im gonna write on. needa find information bef hand. bahs.. so boring.

pw. eeks! hate it. a total waste of time k. bahhhsss... im such a slack leader. =x LOL. hms... open house. shall keep my comments to myself. i love collared tees!! (:

psst. my bro's painting his face black and white on each side for his proj and im gonna help him take a pic later. woohoo! cool rite? LOL. 11:45 PM

holis are coming to an end. ahhh~!!! *screams. so fast lah. im not even done with my org chem yet. eeks. just read tru them. bahs. im so screwed. promos are coming and im not even done with any sub. worst is econs. didnt touch. only photocopied my notes. bahhs... all my tags in the old book are GONE. additional notes lah. bahs... who the hell stole my notes?! shall write my BIG name on it now. and hopefully no one will take it this time.

tot i wont touch math papers 2002 to 2004. ended doing them. woohoo!! proud of myself. mugging and doing qns until 3+. laladumx... but sad thing is, i wake up extremely late. like 10? LOL. pig lah me. no wonder pong called me a pig ytd. hiaks.

wonder where im going today. study of coz. no time to waste, rem? (: 11:36 AM

sama* - we love cleaning! (:

today is sc and council room cleaning up day. studied until 3+, nearing 4am. O.O that explains my real dark circle ard my eyes today. supposed to wake up at 7 to go to sch and study alittle first bef cleaning up. off-ed the alarm and went back to sleep, only to be woken up by a really bad leg cramp. -.- bahhhs... been so long since i had a cramp. went back to sleep again. woke up at 950. ahhh!!!! cleaning up is at 11!! die die. so kinda rushed to sch. whew. wasnt late.

daniel started assigning everyone jobs. mine was to stock-take the umbrellas and sweep the whole place. my gosh. its so dirty. but the amt of dust aint as bad as the first time we cleaned it. the rest moved everything out. cleaned the furniture. dusted the carpets. the pillows and stuff. we even cleaned the paint on the floor off! wee!! im so proud of us! almost everything is gone now. its so diff to get rid of them lah. esp the one in the council room. the HUGE splash of BLACK paint. ahhh!!!

started at 11 and ended at 6. thou it really tired me out, but its really a fruitful day. sc aint our place, but its our duty to keep it clean for the comfort and benefit of saints. (: its so spacious now! and clean! and it smells nice! woo!!! council room too. cleared LOADS of rubbish. i can finally see the floor now. LOL. wee... happy happy.

tried to study at the library today. too tired. couldnt absorb anything. bahss... so went home after a phone call. was thinking bout loads of things. like stuff jie said.

sorrie, i cant. i cant remain the same old me. i realise it really can hurt alot of people if i stubbornly do so. coz im tasting my own medicine now. i realise, the probs im facing now are most probably what others have faced when socializing with me. i wanna change. for myself. for everyone. sighs. kinda sad rite? i know. coz im tearing rite now. inside. deep down.
and... yup. i'd rather be busy than free. council is part of my life now. and you're so rite. im jus frustrated. frustrated over myself. cant balance. and freaking out at the wrong-est times. sigh. thx...

today is supposed to be a happy day. hms... guess i got carried away thinking bout stuff. haha. bahs... not replying smses. boo. should i go out and study tmr? what if im unproductive like today? no more time to waste. 9:34 PM

a holiday is like no holiday at all. didnt go for math lecture on mon. slept and slept the whole day. bahs. regretted it. tues. bloody econ test and song-searching. wed, which is today. open house meeting. finished the banner. suck. the dance is still not up! rarrhhh... thurs. gp and choreographing of dance. fri. council cleaning-up. fish!! my whole week is packed lah! how to study??!!!

getting real sian diao now. im so tired now. barely opening my eyes. eeks! someone pls wake me up. dont feel like going for gp lesson tmr. its 9am in the morning! i seriously need the sleep. and the time to study. i think i aint going. but i have consultation after that. uh... ok. i have tuition tmr in the morning. will go to sch in the afternoon to complete the dance. PLS PLS! let the dance be done by tmr! i dont want to waste anymore time! eeks!

it feels so sucky when u see ur frenx mugging and here u are, doing other stuff. ughhh!! how i wish i have more time. im so busy! cant stand it. i need to study! first time in my life i actually say that. i wanna study. LOL. but on a serious tone, im really worried bout my studies now. sighs. its like everyone's so ahead of me now!! eeks!! im freaking out now. T.T

anonymous. ahhh... who are u? bahhss... 10:05 PM

alls well that ends well... not.

my mood lightened up real lotx since last nite. didnt really study much for today's econs test. lost my econs notes. -.- shall get my hands on new notes asap. big thx to people! (: came to sch. took the test. my goodness. a pathetic number of people. just took the test.

went to town with elsa after that to meet lulu and shirin. went to hmv to find open house's song with lulu. whew. finally. its done. i think. left with the dance. went back sch. but cant find the darn two pin plug. rarrhh... so didnt do anything. rotted awhile bef heading to harbourfront to accompany joel for dinner. he's like some big shot lah. theres like me, sammi and daniel accompanying him for dinner. LOL. oh wells. we had some free time to spare.

rushed off to tiong to meet my da ge for a movie. wee... his company booked the whole theatre for "valiant". woo. its a great show. smth to do with english history too. comical. but can sense the stereotypes inside. haha. too much GP from pang. see? i listen to him teach k? wahahaha.

headed for dinner and back home. and yup. the bad news hafta arrive. my uncle fainted at his workplace today. unconscious now. docs are trying to revive him at changi hospital. he has high blood pressure. sighs... hope it aint a stroke. praying hard he'll be fine. maybe i'll study at changi after my meeting. and head to the hospital to visit him. hopefully he'll be awake by the time i arrive. sighs...

psst. hms... who's the anonymous who left that note? mind telling me who you are? thx for that lovely and sweet note. i'll stay strong. (: 11:19 PM

it doesnt pay to be nice.

wasted today. slept until ten. woke up and had brunch. after some tv felt tired. went back to sleep until my mom called. blah blah. went back to sleep and some delivery man called to tell me the new washing machine we ordered will be arriving in ten min's time. "what washing machine?!" flashed across my mind. didnt noe a thing bout it. but i tot i was old enough to handle such matters so i let them in when they arrive. they fixed everything up and left. that was like.. 4:30pm? decided to be nice and mopped the floor where they dragged the old washing machine out of my house. was kinda dirty.

my dad rushed home to attend to the supposed-to-be-arriving-at-530pm-washing machine. flared up at me for not asking me to come later when he's home. told me that he wanted to use the old hose instead. some chimology stuff that i dun really understand. grumbled for duno how long. rarrh... later my mom came home and i tot at least she could understand me. end up she scolded me for letting them in. she was like "you're a girl alone at home and you let two men come into the house." what?!! hello. im 16 going 17 in a few months time k. am i that dumb? she actually agreed with my dad that i should have asked them to come back at 530pm.

what?!! i tried to call my mom at her office but she didnt pick up. trying paging my dad but i think there's smth wrong. didnt get tru. and its all my fault. WHAT?!!! next time i should just act as thou nth is happening or gonna happen, pushing all the responsibility away from me.

is this what im supposed to learn from my parents? and i tot parents are supposed to be role models. whatever lah. tot that i should do smth for the family. like settling a minor thing like this stupid washing machine and like cleaning the place up so that it will be spick and span for everyone who comes in.

i was wrong. im always wrong. 6:40 PM

this entry serves as a warning to everyone who gets to meet me this week and for the next following weeks. pls pls pls dont talk to me bout my hair or my phone. dont even mention it. i'll thank you for that in advance.

i really really hope i can control myself and prevent some unglam words sprouting out from my mouth when someone comes up to me and says or does anything funny to me. i'll just slap that person lah.

ok i wont. wont slap anyone. never did. nobody deserves to be slapped no matter what. bahs...

alumni dinner was great. even thou we were made to do shitty things like blowing up balloons with our own breath or pump them up with helium gas, tie them and stick streamers to make the place pretty and all, it was worth it. esp when everyone, from the 1st batch of council and the 1st batch of students until the 28th batch, comes back and sings the old and new sch song and hymm and stuff. saw the 1st sc pres. he still has the look of one. lionel. my idol! from s71. 4 As and 1 S paper. PRO and in dance. he's drop dead suave! many girls have gone gaga over him for the past few years. they were saying, he's the best guy any girl can ever ask for.

met earnest. my induction head. haha. crapped quite alot with him. so cool. council took pic together. (: took pics with the 21st in the sc too. wee... haha. its really true when you say " one family-unbroken." the bond between each saint can never be broken.

once a saint, always a saint. (:

p.s. sorrie zhongyi. i cant view ur sms. my phone... haix. dont talk bout it. cya another time then. sighs...

really really muz thank council and everyone else who have been there for me. haix. it really sucks to take a cab and discover the cab driver doesnt noe the way to ur house and takes you somewhere else. its even scarier when you dont have your phone with u and u cant cry coz u're afraid it will stress the cab driver further. thx so much. 8:48 PM

time for the long thank-you list. haha. big thx to...

• 28th for coloring up my life. thou everyone's tired and all coz of teachers day, but im sure we enjoyed it totally spending like almost every hour together in sch.
• sam. haha are u sure i sound busier than ya? hms.. lol. oh well. council is like that lahs. even if i can turn back time, i will still choose to be in council. i'd rather be busier than to have loads of free time. at least im more motivated in my studies and everything. i'll be fine. since i choose to ignore everything, i shall. dont worry k? (: jia you for prelims and As!
• daryl. eh, ur big name is here le ok. dont get jealous with sam again. oops. haha. anw, thx for showing concern even when u are real busy with ur own life and stuff. i'll be alrite de lahs. si bu liao. =x u too k? think thrice bef making any move. afterall, its you who ultimately be doing it.
• jie. darling i miss you! ): haven seen ya in a while. sigh. missed ytd's outing. too shagged. boo hoo. oh well. rem our date after promos and pw k? i will book a day specially for ya, and xin and shih ying! laladumx. our rings! haha. rem to wear it when we go out next time k? woohoo...
• sistas and lulu. needless to say, we spend loads of time together. thou sometimes some of us will be mia like dearest jingx who happens to be in a diff house, but still. we are one! thx for all the support given ya?
• joey. sweetie! thx for helping me find my costume. LOL. my goodness. if it wont for ya, i dont know what kuku clothes i'll be wearing ytd lah. haha. wee...
• jiam and huis. thx for offering a hand in helping me find my costume too! thou in the end i wore another set, but... (:
• qiushi, qii, felx, xiu, van, bonk and jacky for the encouraging tags. haha. yup, i was strong and i will continue to be. esp with u guys pushing me on! haha.
• o5s76 for bearing with my bad attitude recently. fatigue can kill people man. esp people ard them. lolx. hms... i'll be back! the old, cheerful, crazy, nonsensical auntie-ish me~!
• teng. so sorrie for taking up so much of ur time which u could have used for studying. think im too stupid to realise u have probs too until the later part of the day. shrugs. but... ya. thx loads for ur advices and stuff. and nevertheless, u BIG BULLY! wahahaha. jia you for ya prelims and As!
• loke. hms... guess everything is more or less said already ya? but... thx for being there for me too. haha.

and the list goes on and on. mental blk. woke up sweating. bahss... changed to my bros comfy bed and slept for awhile bef my mom woke me up with her call. ate lunch and here i am. (: sooo tired. ytd my bro broke my hairband! the one meisi and i bot together at sec2. T.T shrugs. been with me for so long. bahs. nvm lah. its broken anw. get a new one then. but the old one will still remain in my memory. (:

12:56 PM