hilarious joke of the year. guess which? zhongyi's or ______'s? cant decide. on par. LOL.

but oh well. im lost for words. its like you find it really funny, but looking at it from another point of view, it is quite a serious matter. (ok that is more for zhongyi's joke.) but ya, get what i mean? life's funny. sometimes its so boring you just wish the day will just pass more quickly. but something just pops up to brighten it up, you dont wish for it to end. irony in Man. tsk tsk.

some food for thought. this is the question sam asked me while we were walking home, which is one zhenyu directed to him some other day. "if you know you will die tmr (dont ask why. just accept it.) and you only have enough time left to call one person, who will he or she be? and what will you tell him or her?"

well, my answer was i would call a particular someone whom im the closest with at that time. it may not be any of my best buddies now. it can just be an ordinary friend whom ive just befriended. or some hi-bye person. who knows? its the feeling i guess. the feeling of being absolutely comfortable with someone. (:

and i will tell him/her my gratitude. how much she/he means to me. how thankful i am she/he has come into my life. everyone comes into my life for a reason. just like SA's quote "no one is here by chance." and lastly, how much i'll miss him or her when i leave this world. blah blah blah. like duh, im dying here. last chance to speak up before i step into my grave. haha.

and so, he popped the next question.










"what are you waiting for?"



i stumbled. sam too. hehe. seriously, what am i waiting for? that the day i die will come sooner? what bout the rest who i cant speak to? why should i wait till im so constrained i have to make such a big decision? its like WOW. but anw, i came to a conclusion that Man often take things for granted. the best example will be the presence of our loved ones. or should i say, people who love us.

we often forget the reason behind every scolding we get. ok, not only a scolding. but ya, an example. like why will our parents scold us? too much saliva to waste? for the fun of it? saddistic? oh pls. we all know the reason. dont need me to spell it out rite? but we tend to get too absorbed at the fact that this scolding has spoilt my mood and there we go, blabbering this and that. blah blah blah. perhaps its not the scolding that has spoilt our mood. its our perspective. the way we see the scolding to be.

but anw, i think i would be freaked out if someone suddenly comes up to me and say "hey i miss you.... blah blah blah." like ya. perhaps thats why i refrain from doing that. 11:27 PM

rach: you dont need to. aint directed to you. (: oh. I LOVE MY HEELS AND TOP!! wahahaha.

read sher's blog. the part that hit me the most was what pastor joshua said. [credits to pastor joshua and sher] "those who are being so critical. are normally those who are trying their best to cover up their flaws. and they try to use criticism towards others as a mean to cover up themselves.and when we are judging people, we will be being judged as well. no matter by other people arnd you. or by God." i agree, to the point that i assume im bitching just to put people down. (assumption. how econs. hehe.)

anw, for me i feel there is a time when there is a need to clarify things with others when they get serious. when i say serious here, it means me losing smth impt to me. im carrying an im-clarifying-stuff-for-the-good-of-people-like-me-and-you-and-hopefully-the-party(ies)-involved attitude. its the time where people question my actions and start to wonder, is this the michelle i know? maybe not. i think there's smth behind it. and yes, that is the time where i will speak up for the benfit of everyone.

im not sounding all so good here. i feel that perhaps by telling them, they can too help to find a solution to the problem and solve it asap. who wants to have more and more problems rite? i dont want to lose friends who think that i've done smth wrong to some extent when i have not. ok, i have. but i have my reasons. yes i know "true friends will believe you." but what if they are stuck in the middle? who will they believe? i dont want to sandwich them either. sigh.

who doesnt bitch ard? its a form of releasing stress. i do bitch at times. i bitch only bout people im terribly disappointed with, or totally pissed with their actions. (omg. whats wrong with me?) bitching is a sin. yay man. im a sinner. who isnt? thou i aint proud of it. this is life. its the time where people learn. its the time where (hopefully) when you die, you feel accomplished you've matured and experienced so many things that others havent. or even better. inspire people with your life experiences. change their lives for the better. help them in any way possible. be at their turning point. be THE turning point. thats my goal. im still halfway there. i hope. haha.






ok. side track a little. went shopping for cny clothes today with rach. a pity the zara polo tee that i was eyeing for is gone. but i found a pretty brown spag! hiaks. oh yes. bought the pair of heels i eyed for LONG AGO (and i mean like months) today. yippy! haha. now im still lacking two tops, a skirt and a pair of jeans. decided to give that zara jeans a miss. i cant fit into the smallest size! they're too baggy for me. and TOO LONG. so long when i alter it, the whole design is off. arghs. but i love it! darn. ok. shopping spree shall continue tmr. after my hw is done. (: 1:29 AM

all rights reserved. dont you get it? 11:31 PM

im sick and tired of everything. i dont want to deceive myself any longer, coming up with excuses to blind myself from the naked truth. "oh, maybe you're just busy. stressed up. thats why." "hms perhaps you need time to relax too."

OH PLEASE. what crap. not having time is all an excuse. stressing up is all nonsense. when will you tell me what i want to know? i want an answer. an answer now. i've had it. silent treatment since then. been months, i tell you. months. when you're happy, you'll talk to me or smth. other than that, what am i? some invisible thing is it? someone who you can throw your temper at anytime you feel like it?

maybe i pick the wrong time. i guess i did. but does that mean you're not at fault for all you've been doing to me?

im possesive, when it involves people who i think have other motives in doing things. but now, its not about them. its about you. i dont want to lose you ok. at least not as a friend. you mean smth impt to me. really. perhaps ive already lost you.

i know its foolish to think this way. i know it aint right. but im afraid of losing everything to ____. im really afraid. ive nth to hold on to, do you know?

all i have is the past. the memories. whenever i pick them up and read, i realise how happy i was back then. perhaps i didnt know how to cherish. but i didnt want to be rash in anything.

im not concluding anything. there's nth for me to decide. what is left now? me and a lonely me.

i dont expect things to go back to when things havent happened. i just want an answer. an explanation. explanation for all you've done to me. no, all you've NOT done. like freak! is this how you'll treat _____ in the past?

it hurts me alot. is this what you want to know? i think about it. all you've done for me. i realised how much you've changed. people ask, people say. but what can i reply? "i duno." i wish to know. i really wanna know whats going on.

ive tried hiding my tears from them. i succeeded. but deep down, do you know how much i just want to cry? if crying can exchange for an answer, i will. as many times it may take.

its too long. its far too long. ive waited long enough for you to tell me anything. i dont want to ask ya or anything. if you're not gonna do anything bout it, everything's off. off do you hear me?










a toy, left alone by a kid who has enough of fun playing with me. an unwanted toy, chucked to a dark dusty corner. never to be picked up again. 7:12 PM

life's a roller coaster ride, dont you agree? sometimes everything is all so peaceful. days passing as per normal. nothing much interesting. like a roller coaster ride just starting. sounds boring, isnt it? then, incidents happen. news heard. problems arise. before you know it, you're already at the peak and VOOM, there you go, riding down the track at high speed. the wind cutting through your hair and slamming rite into your face. and your eyes and mouth are wide open. your heart skipping a beat. VOOSH.

and then, it stops. the ride is over.



random random random. should get my ass off this chair anytime now and start on my hw. tons and tons to complete. hms.. shall start with those that are due next week. those overdue ones will have to wait then. if not i'll always be lagging behind.

huge thanks to teoh for being such a great math teacher for my upper sec years. made my life easier so much by allowing me to understand math in the simplest way possible. didnt have much difficulty catching what william lee was talking about during tut lesson. wee.. wont dare to say that bout chem. haha. must catch up! 3:54 PM

tale of a little girl.

of all the many girls in the world, this little girl was particularly special to catch my attention. well, she loves her toys. loves them so much, she doesnt like to share it with others unless they ask. she hates people sneaking up from behind and grabbing a toy while she wasnt looking, running away the next instant she turns her head back. yuck.

maybe she's possesive. maybe she's domineering. but she just doesnt like others to do things behind her back. esp those once close to her.

is that a challenge, she asked herself.

how innocent she is. walking on this planet barely long enough to understand the ugliness of life and here, she expresses everything so well. so clearly. with a twitch of an eye. a frown on the face. silence from her mouth. yes, thats all she needs to get her msg across.

but think again, what is that challenge? whats there to fight for? a toy? just a toy? is there really a need to go to such an extent just to get that toy? she can simply ask. thats all.




little girl hates such people. so do i.









look who's talking here? a pot calling a kettle black. haha. sometimes i wonder. as a toy, do i have a choice to who i play with?

a knock on the gates of heaven. a new year, a new beginning. perhaps, its too much that ive asked for. greedy little pig. 7:18 PM

freak. the jam all the way to scgs is TERRIBLE. now, my journey to sch has been LENGTHENED from barely half an hour to NEARING AN HOUR. -.- rarrhh. this is irritating. if only my dad can send me to sch like always. ): haha. pampered girl.

ok. sch is fine. thou i still feel im like a j1½. im surprised i didnt have much trouble getting used to jc life once again. like hello, its been so long since i last stepped in for a lecture. and i miss wearing my uni! haha. still know how to tie my tie. hiaks.

note to myself: always remember to bring an umbrella. its the rainy season now. practically raining every day. argh. still remember the afternoon for station games. i was praying damn hard it wont be cancelled. ok. my prayer was answered, but we barely had time to prepare the game. eeks! stress.

wee.. lost weight. mwhahaha. looking back at my pics, esp the one on siling's blog. omg. since when did i have that lump of fats at my cheeks?! haha. oh well. glad its gone. hitting my ideal weight soon. COME ON BABY! JUST A LITTLE MORE!

i hardly see my og mates ard. ): wonder where they went. hms..

oooohh! my mom is coming back from bangkok today! yes yes yes. gonna fetch her later. yay.. she's back and the house will be restored to its normal self again. haha. OOPS. but oh well. household chores are tiring, esp washing of clothes. stayed up till like 1am to hang all of them. EEKS. but oh well. at least i did my part.

i need to sleeeeeeeep. grabbing every minute of free time i have to sleep. usually i wont fall asleep on bus rides. but i did. almost missed my stop. AHH.. should pull someone to take bus with me on wed. hiaks. 6:04 PM

OG28 'o6 rocks my socks! woooohooooo.. aint it wonderful to be taking the og u were once in and see how big the difference both ogs are? they're wonderful people. (:

Telleria wins all the tribes in the yard
damn rite its betta than yours x2
we can teach you
but we have to charge

nana na nana.. telleria x2
HUR.

orientation ended with a blast. 5h of pathetic sleepe everyday and chionging for the rest of the day. its all over. whew. but with all my hw piling up, and the stuff that ive missed so far, i wonder how im gonna catch up when i attend lectures tmr. bahss.. i guess this is the price you have to pay in exchange for those beautiful 4 long yet short days.

i miss my class. so so much. HUR.. its like im totally cut off from them. only managed to talk abit to kah fatt when i passed him his math notes. and alittle to shirin when she was leaving sch. mel, gillian, qiuying too. dudu too! hur hur... 4:47 PM

its the end of the year once again. many have come up with their own tribute list, like luling, sherlynn, rach and elsa and their reflections for all that've happened since 2005 started like louis. im no exception.

this year has definitely passed like a breeze. swoosh and its gone. wow. and i just realised i just turned 17. gosh. its time to grow up. i should say i kinda wasted my life living in nh for the past 4 yrs. after exposing to people from other schools, esp those not from the west, i've learnt how similar and esp, how different people can be. how some seem to be so similar to people ive once known. and how some, are just too special for you to forget. cos of all these similarities and differences, i guess people have to be flexible in many things they do. to take into account their special characteristics. its nth wrong having some distinct habits or whatever. its what makes them unique.

of cos, thats not the only thing ive learnt. reality of the world is smth i can never miss. i pity the sports ccas. they have to train and fight like mad in matches to earn a worthy place ard. other ccas too, facing the fear of closing down. maybe thats why many dread the 28th, even to the extent of drawing some anti Student Council [SAJC] logo somewhere on the island. perhaps they feel the sch is giving us too much glory and recognition they think is unneccesary. hms. i can understand that. its like they fight for additional funds and we dont really need to do much and we already have a room to ourselves - the council room. but i should say, there's alot of underlying truth that many do not know. and maybe cos of that, misunderstandings happen. i wont say 28th is not doing as good as the 27th. we each have our own strengths and weaknesses. imcomparable. yes thats the word.

sometimes i feel im destined to be in a rara class. a class which somehow, bends the rules. with guys bonding together as one and the girls splitting into cliques but coming as one when the time comes. yup. its great. no complaints at all. andy singing all day long strumming his guitar, gaying with tk and gang, jeff with his body guards (LOL), jeremy the mr. nice guy etc. chingtong with her distinct low voice and her "kayponess", eunice always looking lethagic, yiting the mommie, xiuli, blah blah. naming those not in my clique. so you see? my clique is all so wonderful. and with my other classmates, what else can i ask for?

kinda miss 1st 3 mths. all the drama. haha. miss weijing, joce, joan, xiuyi, lea, eunice and linhui. eicr. haha. thou we keep saying we will meet up, we never did. oh well. i guess everyone's busy. wonder hows everyone doing. esp joce, who im most close to then. even jing admits missing her ard us. ): well, besides that. oh cos i'll never forget the day i got to noe all the tk peeps. thanks jing joan and joce. can remember the scene vividly. us sitting at the cafe table and they came over to sit down. gosh. i was like AH I DUNO U. the rest, shall remain within us then. there's no need to thank me for my understanding. its just part and parcel of life. (: in fact, i thank YOU for creating such a wonderful dream for me. that day. i havent got a clue of how a girl will feel when a guy sweeps her off her feet till then. it shall remain as a memory, embedded deeply in.

2nd intake. when our results were out. sad to say, people dear to me, like kerwin, xinyi, weijie, siling, and xiuyi cant stay. but at least i know they're happy where they are at. (: things started to pick up speed and it was mugging time. all the mugging. common test. promos. never in my life have i mugged so hard before. esp for chem. haha. org chem. and still i failed it. oh well. to console myself, at least i bothered to touch it. i cant be bothered to open my sec4 chem tys lahs! hiaks. imagine if i didnt, there goes my chem.

dance. haha. guess ive repeated this one too many times already. but hms, yup. dance made a great impact on me. looking back, i was too naive then. perhaps this is what they call growing up. mr low. the greatest dance instructor. making so many sacrifices for us. the passion for dance. it all came from him. yesterday at countdown, when i saw my juniors performing our countdown item last year, it brought tears to my eyes. reminiscing the times we practise outside the dance studio. one-off coming to my house to teach me the dance. etc etc. could picture every moment of us on stage then. yes. i love to dance. but since 2nd intake when i decide to be in council, i knew i have to give it up. for now at least. but honestly speaking, will i really go back when i have the time? when will i have? after my As? perhaps bef i start my uni. after that? i'll be working. shrugs. perhaps this can explain why i dont really put in much effort in dancing council items during the rehearsals. sincere apologises. i am tired. but i cant allow myself to pass off with that excuse. the answer is staring rite in front of me. i just dont want to have anything to do with dance. sigh. ugly truth. smth i dont wish to spell out so explicitly. T.T but i'll continue to put in my best for the actual event. for everyone. for myself.

council. hated campaigning then. thou i was blessed to be working with rach. great team. no complaints. just plain working and working. ltc camp. missing it since we broke camp. our planning of events. etc. working till wee hours and the guard even hafta resort to turning off the lights to chase us out. hah. half of our council term has already ended and orientation is starting on the 3rd. *stares. after that, everything will die down. i dont want orientation to end. i dont want. i'll miss council. yes i will.

eyes are quite teary now. but yup, there are many things that i havent listed down. things like friends. another day i guess. 10:05 PM